Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
