I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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