Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
