I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
