Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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