2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
where am i from again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
