the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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