Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
