Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize