this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
