i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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