I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
