I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize