fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
