my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
