so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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