You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I checked into jail on foursquare
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
