My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
