My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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