nut hugger
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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