I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
