I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
