The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
These tits shall not be calmed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
