in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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