At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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