he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
