the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
