i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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