I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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