But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
