the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.