nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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