I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
