I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
