i just had sex bonerless
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
