shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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