Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
