So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
