I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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