just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
