I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
