hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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