8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
