I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
