my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
