Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
