Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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