so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
