I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
