i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
