So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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