everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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