please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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