Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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