Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
