Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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