My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize