Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
