It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
