i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
