Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
