dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
