The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize