i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My vagina is officially offended.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
