Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
