Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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